Perfectly imperfect

 Mirror mirror on the wall, what do you have against me? Just having one of those days I guess. I look at the person staring back at me with artwork on her face and I sigh. I remember when at 11, tiny protrusions started appearing on my face. I didn't like them no doubt and my best friend told me they didn't look bad "..they look cute.." were her words, yeah, not when they are on your face. The media and society is filled with ideas and advice on how to fight these little things that have plagued my face for years. The under lying message being, there is something wrong with your face, with you, this is how to fix it.

Many a time, I have closed my eyes and tried to imagine what I'd look like without my friends. strange things are happening to me, I'm starting to not mind them, to like them even. There is a certain look I have,that they give me. Yesterday I was watching a video of myself. A webcam video and the one thing that stood out the most was my mouth! The size of that gap! Did someone knock out my front teeth. Growing up, that used to be an issue. I never smiled in the pictures because I just couldn't bear it, as if people didn't see it enough when I was talking. Last week I changed the cover photo for my Facebook timeline. I put a beautiful picture of mostly my face,and a wide grin plastered across it. I sigh, I think I love that picture. I love every thing wrong about the girl in that picture. Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most beautifully imperfect of them all?

Time's windows

I recently was looking at an old picture of mine. A passport size photograph actually, taken at the beginning of 2009. I used that ID for over a year and the only thing I noticed about the picture is I looked angry, which I have come to discover is my normal look as long as I am not smiling. This time round, three years later, I saw something different. I was sort of taken aback. I couldn't recognise the girl in the picture. She looked broken and tired. The pain in her eyes is unmistakable and the look on her face...fighting to be strong, not knowing if she still knew how. My mind went on a little trip down memory lane not just to that day but to that time. I put my hand to my chest, rubbed it a bit,as if feeling for the scars on my heart, as if soothing the wounds, my mind had taken my heart with it to its trip. The memories felt so fresh as I looked at that girl. I wondered how I ever made it out alive, out of that pain. I am not that girl anymore but that picture creates knots in my chest. Looking at it is just like looking through a window to that point in time, three years ago.

Life

Hi my name is Gloria and I am a writer. I haven't written as much or as well as I wish I would. I could blame it on the fact that I find myself involved in a lot lately. Sometimes I feel like I am losing myself; losing myself in the tiny details of day to day living. One day I'm up, the next, I'm down like never before.I have about five months left to finish school. You'd think that would be the most exciting moment of my life. I find myself worrying, anxious about the next few months; wondering if I will finish strong. I am constantly second guessing myself, an old habit that I must get rid of. Life is a war but you have to choose your battles wisely and you have to know which side you are fighting on. The strangest things have been happening to me. Both good and bad strange. Opportunities coming my way and Goliath's brothers or cousins showing their ugly heads. I am finding myself fighting battles that I thought I had won a long time ago. I guess, no,I know all this is because I don't spend as much time with the Lord as I ought in as much as I'm always at church. It's just that I feel like I do not know how to pray anymore. Dear Lord,I believe, your Grace is sufficient.

2012 so far

So we are about 13 days,almost two weeks into the year. Not much is happening.Yet! I began my year on a good note. I spent my first week at  a camp facilitating 12-18 year olds. It was fun hard work. Now that I am back, I don't really know what to do with myself. God has been so good to me. Indeed this is the year of the Lord's favour. So I have actually got a chance to work on radio. It is still voluntary and background staff but still....I have got one foot in the door. I am sooooooooooo EXCITED!!!!!! GOD has a way of working in the background that I just don't get. He answers prayers in the most unexpected of ways. Now, all I am working on is the magazine thing, plus TV. I so excited i can't even write.

Truth be told

I used to be so totally honest on my blog because I thought no one paid any attention to it. It was like my other journal. I'd say the things I want to tell but scared to speak up. I'm a bit skeptical now,shy to be exact. I'm about to stop giving out my url because the blog reveals a side of me many rarely notice. So there is a certain joy in my life. The first half of this year was kind of rough and confusing for me. The last part however couldn't have been better. Something happened at camp. I met God but I also met people. So I have been discovering new things about God,myself and these people. There are many special ones but there is also a particular one. Yes it is a he. I cant describe him really. Even thinking about him right now has got my heart all up in knots and a smile playing at my lips. A special kind of person,I spent 8 days at camp and the only two times I wrote in my journal was about him.There is just something about him, I have been drawn to him straight from the start. I am not dreaming babies and weddings,no. It is just that,he inspires me alot.

The funny thing is there is nothing I find as endearing as his imperfections.I think about him A LOT.Of course I can't help but wonder if he thinks of me ever. I love being around him. I don't get butterflies or shortness of breath and amazingly at times around him I lose my words so I can be more quiet than usual. It is just a sweet feeling of contentment and appreciation for the person on the inside. Just because I know him a and get to talk to him every once in a while,my life feels so enriched. Does it make any sense? to me,most often not. There is a line in Brooke Fraser's "the thief", which says "you're breaking into my heart and I'm letting you". Some days I feel like that. So I smile and not ask why,I'm living in the moment and enjoying it, a lot!

Titles are hard to come by

Hello there, my dear lovelies. It has been a while since i last blogged. I've been kind of busy with exams and all but I'm just about done now. the latest going on.I'm looking for a job on radio, TV and magazine all at the same time. I think it's about time. i had an amazing weekend. I visited a couple of friends in another university who hosted me for the night, had actually gone for a party on Friday but the fun lasted all the way up to Saturday evening. I love you guys at UCU. I don't remember the last time I'd had that much easy fun in the company of friends, so much love going around. Thank you Jesus for the gift of friends. then I spent the rest of my weekend at home,spent the whole of Monday in my pj's watching chuck. I love that series.

 Life is beautiful. The Lord is surely doing so much in my life. He is giving me the desires of my heart, enlarging my territories and keeping me excited. These days, every new day is exciting! New opportunities to be a blessing to another. Living one day at a time but still in anticipation of the future. I spent some time talking to my mom about my plans and dreams, my heart was overwhelmed upon realisation of how much support i have from the home front, thank you Lord. The dreams are so many and one may wonder if all are possible, but we are all in agreement that they are possible.

I have wasted enough of my life just dreaming. its now time for action, somehow i know now is the time. I thank God so much for the boldness and encouragement He gives me unceasingly every single day, He is surely my best friend.For many years, I was timid and never tried out anything but by the grace of God, I am now boldly stepping up to the table He has prepared for me, a feast indeed. I trust Him, because I know He loves me. By the way,very soon I'll be giving you news about my new jobs,keep believing with me. There is so much I'd love to share but I also want to keep the blog short. I love you.

Today

I know where I am going. There may seem to be many options on my plate but I know which is my portion. that is the beauty of slowing down. Did I ever tell you about my passion for media? Just you watch the space, I even dream about these things. Have I ever told you I love music? Have I ever told you you need to meet me in order to fully understand me. I am tired. I want to be taken on a date, where I'll have personal time discovering another and being discovered. Mutual shock and wonder. I want to get all dressed up and beam with satisfaction as I see appreciation on the face of another even as words may not come. I want to take pictures and laugh over inside jokes. I want to eat ice cream and look at some one from across a table. I want to have a feeling in my heart that my head can't explain, secret smiles....I want to messasge back and forth. I want the anxiety at the though of running into some one. I want to feel special. This is how I get when I'm tired.