Not one more than the other

I've been thinking. I've been thinking about a great many things. 

It's also possible that I have been thinking about the same thing over and over. I recently started attending Sunday service at Church again. I have not consistently attended Church for about 2 years now. Nothing chased me and I always said I knew I'd go back. I was just on a journey that did not at the moment involve Sunday church service. I host a radio show on Sunday mornings which runs from 8-10am and I dash off to Church there after. I never expect to make it in time for the opening song. I'm always just grateful to not end up in the overflow even. I was lucky this Sunday, It is my second Sunday back and late as I was, I ended up front and centre where the guest pastors usually sit

Yup, that was on the seat I occupied

Anyway, I was thinking about something my friend Joel said sometime back at Monday night fellowship; about how God does not prefer one sin over the other. How he hates all of them the same. It was a wow moment for me. Grace does not mean that God made it okay for us to act certain ways, Grace means we are protected from the punishment of individual problems when the problem is in fact the nature of the man. God knows that. God sent Christ to remedy that. Bring about the death of one man so that another man can live.

In my previous post, I talked about how God gave us grace for more, much much more than escaping punishment.However, I often wondered how he felt about all these things. If there were some that he regarded as I did, worse than others or unforgivable. I'm learning that according to God, there is Christ and there is other than Christ. The dimensions through which he views us. Even when it comes to our hearts, thoughts, intents and actions, it is either Christ or other than Christ.

12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heartHebrews 4:12-13New International Version (NIV) [Emphasis mine]

The point that I am trying to make even though my head seems all over the place, it is about Christ. Focus on Christ because he's the real deal. It is not that God has given me a green light to go ahead and do whatever because He still hates all sin the same. He is instead calling me to focus on the new man, Christ. To see as He sees. It is either Christ or other than Christ. It is either life or death. Focus on what I'm "allowed" or "not allowed" to do just keeps me stuck on the wrong thing. 

I need to choose life, and keep choosing Him always.

Grace for more, much much more

This is my lesson for this week. This is a lesson I pray I do not lose a hold of.

I have talked about the wonderful bible study I attend on Mondays enough times. I can't seem to stop because it is one of the biggest blessings of my life and they never disappoint. I don't remember how we got to this point of discussion. I just remember it is the main thing I took away from Monday's discussion. It could also be because I have had questions in that area a lot.

Our main point of discussion was death; not just physical death but the dying to sin that the bible calls us to.

We talked about how we so often treat death as the enemy and we begrudgingly give into God's call of carrying our cross daily. God's love for us is shown through the cross. The cross is the door, the way out of the old man and into the new man. The old man, Adam, is inherently flawed, before he utters a single word, or entertains a thought,his nature is his enemy. You and I are born of that nature.

In comes Jesus and he presents the cross and death to that man. However, that is not where it ends, He gives new life, Himself, the only life there is. This man that we are born into is enslaved, we are enslaved to desires that do not even satisfy. It is as if we are always on a mission to destroy ourselves. The natural man embraces types and shadows and rejects the substance hence an unending cycle of frustration and pain

Romans 8:1 talks about how there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. The day I got revelation of this portion of scripture was a very liberating day for me. The weight of being good enough had become too heavy to bear and always had me in constant fear that God would break up with me. It is around that time that I started on my journey of learning about grace, first as something that God gives, then more recently, as who God is, Grace.

However, in being liberated, I took a few (not so few) liberties in certain areas that in no way even add to my life. I believe some people are afraid to teach about grace because they are afraid people will go on a rampage if they found out that God is not going to withhold their blessings because of the beer in their fridge or the Lil Wayne album on their phone. I took a few liberties, and some are made easier with particular company and I continued. There are days I would wonder what on earth I was doing with my life? It in no way stopped me from talking to  God without fear and approaching Him boldly, but still something lingered. I wondered, "maybe my legalistic problem is bigger than I thought"

I struggled to find a balance between knowing that God does not look at certain things, that even the church has named taboo, as such and being settled with how reckless it all seemed. More recently, I have been thinking about the aspect of discipline and how it is not necessarily a bad word. I am such a radical grace person that sometimes discipline tends to sound like legalism. But recently I've been asking questions, and discovering it has more to do with purpose.

On Monday,the discussion on the beauty of death evolved into a discussion on Grace. Mirembe put it in the best way possible. She defined the grace of God as the presence of God, and the presence of God comes with the power of God. You see, so often we look at grace as license to do certain things. We use the freedom we have been given to overcome to trap ourselves once again. We usually get to that point and stop there. We pitch camp at 'everything is permissible' and hardly ever see  'but not everything edifies.'

The grace of God has been given to us so that we can overcome the failings and weaknesses of the old man.  It is for much much more. We do not just die to sin, we are alive in Christ. We start on a journey of pursuing Christ, who is our new life. Grace tells us, you can choose otherwise, you can see otherwise, you can learn otherwise. Selah

Galatians 2:20 New International Version (NIV)

²⁰ I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

However, if you read the following verses of Romans 8, they highlight life over selfish desires 

Romans 8:1-5 New International Version (NIV)

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you[a]free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh,[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.[c] And so he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

5 Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.

Banange!!! cobwebs!!!

I have been distracted...

I have been distracted by the life I live, at least that is what I think has happened to me over the past year. Last night, as I nibbled on some wonderful cake and sipped on a hot cup of cocoa during bible study, I remembered the journey I was on, or had just started this time last year. Woah! What happened? It feels like it was just two days ago, two days because 12 months later and I'm yet to make progress. I have moved around in circles and sometimes just dug a hole and stayed put, pitched camp, mehn! I was about to have babies in some of these pits.

Anyway, so I'm trying to do a kind of clean up. I have about 3 months to come to the end of 25. 3 months! Yikes! 3 months and then I would have crossed over to what is described as late twenties. My goodness it is like I'm almost 30 yet I at times feel like I'm still experimenting. Still working at some jobs for the experience even if they don't pay that well. Still putting off that permit acquisition, still talking about my trip to Bali as if just wishful thinking, still dating guys for just, it doesn't have to be serious. As if I have all the time in the world! As if I am 19!

My best friend recently came back home after 6 years away for study in Malaysia. I am ecstatic and over the moon. It has been years of growing up away from each other yet we're are still the same in so many ways. When I went to see her on Sunday, we talked about so many wonderful things as we downed the bottle of wine her mother gave us. She is the most brilliant girl I have ever met in my life. She has the most wonderful ideas and she kept saying how she's going to make me a brand and she will be my manager.

I found myself thinking, "I hope this works out"

I live and throw parties in the world of ideation. I never run out of those glorious little ideas but oh my, I have implemented like 2%!!! (TOO MANY EXCLAMATION MARKS, CHILL ALREADY...LOL)

This here was my first blog. Way back in 2010 when I had an itch to write and did not have many writing opportunities coming my way, I started to blog so that I would not forget or give up on my writing. I haven't been here in a while and this year I have written very few posts, yet it is mid September already. This is my more emotional blog, the one where I pour my heart out. The other one, is the more serious one. The site I send people to when I want to convince them to give me writing jobs. It has had more posts than this one but still not enough. I have been distracted...

So this post is my attempt at clearing the cobwebs in my mind and my dreams/ achievements cabinet. Enough with the distraction. Last night I made a decision to get up and move on. Continue on the worthwhile journey I started over a year ago. Enough with the distractions.

Keeping my hopes unbroken

There are days when all I want to listen to is Switchfoot.

Their music knows how to capture that indescribable feeling that every so often overwhelms my being, that moment of knowing, that I am not of this world.

But as I write this, I’m listening to Damita Haddon’s it belongs to you. A beautiful song of surrender and recognition, I don’t own anything. The best part however is where she lays out all the things that are not of me, that I should let go of, stress, depression, hurt et al

This has not really been the best June, not because of what was happening on the outside, but everything that went on inside. My soul has been extremely restless and unmotivated. I tried to find solace and joy in various things but nothing lasted and I knew why. They don’t have the ability to offer solitude to my spirit.

I love watching children. Not only are they adorable in just being really tiny humans, they are also very honest humans. It is not uncommon to see a child running back to a parent in tears even when it’s the parent who has administered punishment and caused those tears. I reckon it is because the parent is the one protection and comfort they are persuaded of. However, I also believe they want reassurance that the relationship is still solid, that they are still loved despite themselves.

I have sort of been in that state in the way that I have been dealing with God. Being miserable and taking my misery to God with my mouth all the way up in my nose accusing Him of refusing to make everything okay. I have been the kind of sad that makes it extra hard to get out of bed in the morning. I have been the level of stressed and frustrated that gave me constant headaches and made it hard to fall asleep. I have been the sort of fragile where tears were as accessible as breath.

I don’t know when it got this bad. I just know it kept on and I became one of those things I don’t like, a complainer. I would listen to myself speak and cringe and yet not be able to help sounding like that in the next sentence.

Last night, a wonderful wonderful God bless his soul friend of mine told me to listen to Switchfoot’s “Awakening”. We were texting and I was casually mentioning what the month of June had done to me or left me feeling like. In all fairness, I think it started way earlier; it’s just that June is when it all became too much. Anyway, my awesome friend Ronnie insisted that I suspend all further communication with him until I had listened to the song. I didn’t have the song, so I cheated and Googled the lyrics.

However, today while at work, I went to Youtube and listened to Awakening. I know the song. I love the song. However, I had never really paid attention to the lyrics that so perfectly described and understood my predicament.

“Last week found me living for nothing but deadlines,
With my dead beat sky but,
this town doesn't look the same tonight
These dreams started singing to me out of nowhere
And in all my life I
don't know that I ever felt so alive,
Alive"

Awakening-Switchfoot

I listened, I loved it and I looked for more songs by Switchfoot. This band never fails to speak for me. One of the songs that really really is right on the money is restless

“I am restless, I am restless
I am restless, looking for you
I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore
I'm looking for you”

I don’t think the issue had stared me more square in the face than it did whilst listening to that song. It’s not really my situations that I want changed. The giants in this earthly canaan slain, the love of my life loving me and loving me well and everything being fantastic. I want Him, God; the place that I am longing for is Him and he has been here the whole time while I pushed Him aside and asked Him why he wasn’t giving me the other stuff.

“I've got my eyes wide open
I've been keeping my hopes unbroken”

As I was listening to “Your love is a song” also by Switchfoot, those lines above got me. My hopes haven’t been unbroken. My hopes have been cracked, bashed, beaten and downright annihilated at some point, but I’m grateful to God that He picks them up, binds them up and says “look here, look at me, I am your hope and I am everlasting”

MDCXIII

I had a hard time getting over you
I’m not sure I’m over you
I prayed
I cried
I begged
On some days to have you
by my side and in my life
and on other days
to have you
out of my head, my heart and my way
I wish I could tell you
I mean in person
See your expression
and hear your side of things
I’ve told you enough times
in verse, with smiles
and the prayers that I say
I’m thinking of getting inked
Somewhere close to my heart or a vein
Of course it’s about you,
Of course it's in code
You can’t be just a memory

Say a little prayer for you

I wrote this for a friend on their birthday. It is one of those friendships where the person is special to you but you do not get to see them often. In such instances, FaceBook is a no no and phonecalls and text messages feel inadequate. I wrote it during a church service. The day before the birthday, pretty sure by the time they saw it, it would be D Day.

I chanced upon it as I was scrolling through my emails and I am amazed. I say this prayer for each one of you reading this; and to the person I originally wrote it for, I am sorry I did not ask for permission to share it but I hope you do not mind sharing in the blessing.

I pray for you
Beloved of the most high
You who carries the fullness of Christ in you
You for whom the Lord gave His son
and with Him all else,I pray for you

I pray for you sight
That blindness may be far from you
That the eyes of your understanding will open 
as the light of Christ is shed abroad in your Spirit

I pray that you will have ears that hear the Spirit of God
That your Spirit will choose to be deaf 
to any voice that is not of the Lord or from the Lord
That,as sheep of His pasture,
you will know His voice

I pray for you the strength of the Lord
That it will keep you through everything 
that the Lord shows you and asks of you
The strength to lay your life down
To let the life of Christ reign in you 
and Adam be put to death
I pray strength for you to embrace and walk 
into all that the Lord calls and has called you into.
The life of Christ.

I pray for you wisdom.
The wisdom of God.
Christ is your wisdom.
That you will know Christ and none else.
That you will know that knowing Christ is knowing all.
That Christ will forever be enough for you.

I pray for your family,
The one that you are apart of now 
and the one that the Lord is preparing for you
and preparing you to be head over,
That the abundance of God's grace and love 
will rule in your households 
because God is king in your hearts.

That wherever you will be,
you will be reminded that you are favoured of God.
He works all things out for you. 
As the Lord leads you in many things and places,
that you will be filled with His Joy and peace,
may He satisfy you with His goodness.

I pray the protection of the Lord over you 
and all that is yours. 
That you will be reminded of His angels 
whom He has given as ministering Spirits,
waiting on the word of the Lord.

With a long and fruitful life,
He will satisfy you.
Everything you touch and are involved in 
shall be fruitful beyond imagination.
You will not follow norms but you will raise standards,
the HolySpirit will always raise the standard for you.

Happy Birthday Friend. Silver and gold have I none,but what I have I give unto thee,a prayer,
I speak the fulfillment of all of God's promises into your life. That you will see them in the land of the living.
And finally,I pray that you recieve it
Yei Bin Adonai --- Be it unto me according to your word. Amen.

Amen.

In unexpected Places

We were drunk, not very very but we were on our way there. We were sipping slowly and asking the waitress to keep them coming. We were seeing each other through smoke, no, it wasn't for ambiance. It was cigarette smoke because for some, nicotine and beer go well together. I do not remember how the conversation started but somehow it did and it persisted.

We were talking about God. We were talking salvation. We were talking grace. Two of us being partakers, one not so so, the other openly Atheist but we were talking God. We were not arguing, no, we are friends. We were talking with a level of honesty that alcohol seems to bring forth.

At first, I held my tongue, feeling like so much ground work was needed for such a discussion to be fruitful. I was too conscious of our differences and prejudices. I do not know how it happened, but it was almost like how Jeremiah says there is a fire shut up in his bones (was it Jeremiah who said that?) or when He said the word of the Lord was like burning coals in his mouth. There was a discussion about changes and actions and being good...that is when I spoke up

I even tweeted about it

That is when I spoke up about grace and where grace found me, about journeys and how it is not neccessarily always black and white. About how even the seemingly worst person on earth has a father in heaven who is still rooting for him, wanting him home. A while back, I wrote about journeys, my journey in and outside church society and this is one more on the list of the most unconventional of places I've seen God. Almost drunk at a bar talking about His goodness and still hearing Him reveal things that I wouldn't have otherwise known.