Just in case Papa san or his agents are reading, I so did not steal your album title. These are just words. It's just that life is super exciting these days. I seem to have discovered the more worthwhile side of everything.Yesterday, I was wondering about my life and realised I didn't really start living until 2009. That is when I started the journey of being true to myself thus the endless not missing of concerts even if it meant that I had to go alone. I am discovering better things. A better way to love, a better way to be loved, a better way to hurt even.
At some point I thought alcohol gave a really good high. I have discovered a high without mornings of throwing up and walking around as though half dead. Instead the after effects are, you appear more youthful, more energetic and excited about life. Yes, yes, you say you have heard time and time again but there is no high like love, the love of God. Everything seems brighter. Everything seems clearer and those that aren't, you don't care enough to notice. I have so much on my plate right now but I have learnt how to rest amidst the work. Doors are opening for me, I can see where I am going and it is superb! not anxious about narra! I have learnt when you stop pursuing all else and pursue God and set your mind on things which are above, the rest just come chasing you. Of course I'm a work in progress and I'm still learning but.....AMAZING. Not afraid to cry, not afraid to be real, not afraid to be seen, not afraid to smile, not afraid to be the background, not afraid period! because I am high 24/7. Oh how small everything looks from way up here...
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
SPEECHLESS
I don't think I have the words to fully describe how I'm feeling. Going for camp in Gulu is one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. it is hard to comprehend the fullness of God, actually impossible. He constantly amazes me, how he honors and blesses us with His presence.
Dear Jesus, the plans you have for us are numerous and amazing! You are very personal and keep meeting each and everyone of us at our points of need. You spoke to me, healed me of a hurt I had pushed to the back of my mind instead of dealing with it. There was so much love, so much understanding. I met many new, amazing people. is it possible to form such a bond in one week that you feel like best friends? Yes, I miss my friends already, people I would like to get to know better, people I would love to share my life with, to open myself to and have them open themselves up to me. Indeed, better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.
Dear Jesus, the plans you have for us are numerous and amazing! You are very personal and keep meeting each and everyone of us at our points of need. You spoke to me, healed me of a hurt I had pushed to the back of my mind instead of dealing with it. There was so much love, so much understanding. I met many new, amazing people. is it possible to form such a bond in one week that you feel like best friends? Yes, I miss my friends already, people I would like to get to know better, people I would love to share my life with, to open myself to and have them open themselves up to me. Indeed, better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Life is just a great big rock show!!!
I've just been googling a site that just brought tears to my eyes. I watched it on TV one morning many months back as I was ironing preparing to leave home. 99 days, a video diary of a baby who was born with a rare disease and he had about a 2 percent chance of survival.However his parents recorded every single day of his life,everyday they celebrated a birthday for him and the father made a video diary with all the pictures. What is so moving is the gratitude these parents had; they were thankful for the smallest of things and for every little thing that was about their son. They did not complain, cry scream and ask God why them, they were simply grateful for their gift in the form of baby Elliot whom they had to feed through tubes and they had to take turns sleeping because someone had to watch him all the time.
Elliot lived for 99 days and every one of those 99 days was celebrated. I'm 21 and 5 months come tomorrow. There are days, weeks months I have spent, wasted complaining and feeling sorry for myself. I lack nothing, physically; nothing is working against me when it comes to my health. One of the blogs I'm following is called "its a good day to be alive" this just shows you this person's view on life. It reminds me of a song by Nickelback, if today was your last day......how would you spend it? Would you panic, be fatalistic because of all the chances you never got, opportunities you missed?
99 balloons/99 days.Everyday is worth celebrating as long as you are breathing but even when your time comes to stop breathing, it is a celebration because death is not an end in itself but a means to an end. If I'm running to the loving arms of Jesus, why not celebrate. My bible, which I haven't read in a really long time tells me that all things work together for good to those who love the Lord, to those who have been called according to His purpose. All things. Life is indeed a great big rock show if you decide to go in and watch the show, be part of it, scream with joy and cry with emotion at the realization of dreams. But if you decide to stay outside and complain that the music is too loud or the timing is not right or I'm so late I might as well not go...then life will just be the great big rock show you keep missing and burn with envy as others tell you about it and show you their keepsakes. I'm just saying....
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Break!
do you know how frustrating it is to spend to weeks being anxious for exams? everyone else seems to have done at least one or all of their papers and i haven't done any of my six. so I'm taking a break from the revision. it is so hard to take a guilt free break. you feel like you are wasting time or you at least ought to wait until you are so tired that your eyes can't help but close, but there is also that point whee your concentration has dropped so greatly....taking a break to blog. I'm trying to be a serious student, earnestly hunting down this 5.0 which i tattoo on my wrist every morning to remind me of my goal. OK i also have a not so secret obsession with tattoos especially on my wrist. 5.0,5.0,5.0,5.0,5.0,5.0,5.0.......that's all i need this sem. i know i can do it. the work is not little but it is interesting and often times doesn't really feel like I'm working until i run into an anxious on the verge of stress classmate who is sleeping in 2 hour intervals every night and sleep talks class work only to wake up for a discussion of same earlier mentioned class work. why is everyone so frantic? why can't they chill a bit, maybe then I'll feel a little less guilty. its not in my nature to panic or stress like that. i know all is well. i know I'm working for a definite end, GREAT SUCCESS!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Trying to blog on my phone once again. Ok,my mother's phone,wierd how my 50 sth year old mom has a cooler phone than 21 year old me! At home on a monday night,i should be at school being a serious student like everyone else. I feel a bit fired up,reading this book "think on these things,meditations for leaders" awesome! I've never read a better book and it couldn't have come at a much better time. I'm looking forward to so much...learning alot about my father, God and His plans for the world,trying to figure out where i fit in all this. Learning about handling disappointment...this book has a way of exciting me. I have a course work to do...see you some other time
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Bucket list
So I have this amazing friend of mine who just has like a million things she wants to do. She writes them down and prayerfully pursues them.I guess I'm going to try and do the same. I haven't really started living my dream. I have a dream, I have dreams. I want to write books, i want to fall so helplessly in love, I want to sing in a choir. So here goes my list:
1. fall so deeply in love/ find my best friend
2.sing in a choir
3. write for a fashion magazine
4. appear in a magazine, cover would be awesome
5. appear on a billboard
6. learn about photography
7.design an outfit
8. host a radio/TV show
9. teach my younger siblings about God
10. live on my own
11. bungee jumping
12. surfing
13.write many many books
14. travel to Australia
15. meet Bebo Norman
i guess that is enough for now, i will dream up more later
Friday, March 25, 2011
Things You Can't Discuss
I have been thinking about this for quite sometime, certain things on my mind but can't really discuss them.
1. Are you the one?
This is kind of a tight paper. how do you tell your boyfriend/girlfriend that you are not sure about them? The situation is made more difficult by the fact that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this person. There are good days and there are bad days but the bad days seem to outweigh the good ones. I feel like we are not making progress. Is it just me or do you feel it too? may be I need to spend more one on one time with you as in no friends around. This thing of sharing friends sucks. not to mention the pressure; I feel like I have to consider them in every decision I make. As if its not enough that I'm confused already as it is. Maybe I expected something else, I thought when I found you, the rest would pale in comparison, they would fade away. Every morning I make a choice to choose you, and every day I encounter a blast from the past. It is an uphill climb.
2.I miss being single
Never say this in the presence of your single friends. So even when you are feeling it, you can't share with anyone. The non-single friends are ecstatic about where they are so they won't understand. The truth is I feel trapped. I'm often feeling guilty. At times I feel like I'm still single. I have been thinking in one for so long, I have to learn how to think in two. Problem is I'm not sure I want to learn how to think in two. Its so on my mind that its starting to show on my face,what to tell people when they ask.
3.What happened to us?
I have been running into people I sort of fancied,OK really fancied but nothing ever happened with. I wonder what really happened, how come it wasn't you? fancee no 1, we are really good friends, understands me proper, we had our moments of confusion, moments of clarity not in so many words, kind of spoke in parables but we each got he point. progressed to continue being great friends, no tension. He has a girlfriend now, I have a boyfriend but sometimes I wonder how come "we" didn't happen. fancee no 2, I read my journal and I'm amazed at how strong the feeling was, jumps off the pages...wow. There was a definite non changeable reason why we couldn't be but wow...I think it would have been amazing. fancee no 3, was the bad boy we should all stay away from. I kept finding myself drawn to him yet my spirit told me he was a no go area. He never seems to make up his mind, I couldn't hold out for him forever. fancee no 4, we are friends, for a while there I had forgotten why I fancied him. then recently I started seeing him often and I remembered; but I prayed about him and I was told to let go and I did reluctantly because I treasure my Lord but it was painful to let go because there is something in him that just lights me up, spiritually. fancee no 5, called me when he heard about our strike, had called me earlier on and a friend of mine said I was blushing on the phone...I didn't see myself but I think I was. He's amazing and there is something there but his time and my time seem separate, talked to him for over an hour effortlessly....letting go is not easy
4. I'm sorry
Is it normal? I feel like I'm being so unfair to my boyfriend feeling like this; not that I want to leave him for them but what I feel for them despite being with him makes me think he's not the one. Why me? why this? I just want to enjoy my relationship, I just want it to grow..but do I really? what kind of person am I? and he seems to be so in love, I want to ask him how? can't you see this? am I that good an actress? how do I deal with this?
1. Are you the one?
This is kind of a tight paper. how do you tell your boyfriend/girlfriend that you are not sure about them? The situation is made more difficult by the fact that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this person. There are good days and there are bad days but the bad days seem to outweigh the good ones. I feel like we are not making progress. Is it just me or do you feel it too? may be I need to spend more one on one time with you as in no friends around. This thing of sharing friends sucks. not to mention the pressure; I feel like I have to consider them in every decision I make. As if its not enough that I'm confused already as it is. Maybe I expected something else, I thought when I found you, the rest would pale in comparison, they would fade away. Every morning I make a choice to choose you, and every day I encounter a blast from the past. It is an uphill climb.
2.I miss being single
Never say this in the presence of your single friends. So even when you are feeling it, you can't share with anyone. The non-single friends are ecstatic about where they are so they won't understand. The truth is I feel trapped. I'm often feeling guilty. At times I feel like I'm still single. I have been thinking in one for so long, I have to learn how to think in two. Problem is I'm not sure I want to learn how to think in two. Its so on my mind that its starting to show on my face,what to tell people when they ask.
3.What happened to us?
I have been running into people I sort of fancied,OK really fancied but nothing ever happened with. I wonder what really happened, how come it wasn't you? fancee no 1, we are really good friends, understands me proper, we had our moments of confusion, moments of clarity not in so many words, kind of spoke in parables but we each got he point. progressed to continue being great friends, no tension. He has a girlfriend now, I have a boyfriend but sometimes I wonder how come "we" didn't happen. fancee no 2, I read my journal and I'm amazed at how strong the feeling was, jumps off the pages...wow. There was a definite non changeable reason why we couldn't be but wow...I think it would have been amazing. fancee no 3, was the bad boy we should all stay away from. I kept finding myself drawn to him yet my spirit told me he was a no go area. He never seems to make up his mind, I couldn't hold out for him forever. fancee no 4, we are friends, for a while there I had forgotten why I fancied him. then recently I started seeing him often and I remembered; but I prayed about him and I was told to let go and I did reluctantly because I treasure my Lord but it was painful to let go because there is something in him that just lights me up, spiritually. fancee no 5, called me when he heard about our strike, had called me earlier on and a friend of mine said I was blushing on the phone...I didn't see myself but I think I was. He's amazing and there is something there but his time and my time seem separate, talked to him for over an hour effortlessly....letting go is not easy
4. I'm sorry
Is it normal? I feel like I'm being so unfair to my boyfriend feeling like this; not that I want to leave him for them but what I feel for them despite being with him makes me think he's not the one. Why me? why this? I just want to enjoy my relationship, I just want it to grow..but do I really? what kind of person am I? and he seems to be so in love, I want to ask him how? can't you see this? am I that good an actress? how do I deal with this?
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