Thursday, May 26, 2011

Break!

 do you know how frustrating it is to spend to weeks being anxious for exams? everyone else seems to have done at least one or all of their papers and i haven't done any of my six. so I'm taking a break from the revision. it is so hard to take a guilt free break. you feel like you are wasting time or you at least ought to wait until you are so tired that your eyes can't help but close, but there is also that point whee your concentration has dropped so greatly....taking a break to blog. I'm trying to be a serious student, earnestly hunting down this 5.0 which i tattoo on my wrist every morning to remind me of my goal. OK i also have a not so secret obsession with tattoos especially on my wrist. 5.0,5.0,5.0,5.0,5.0,5.0,5.0.......that's all i need this sem. i know i can do it. the work is not little but it is interesting and often times doesn't really feel like I'm working until i run into an anxious on the verge of stress classmate who is sleeping in 2 hour intervals every night and sleep talks class work only to wake up for a discussion of same earlier mentioned class work. why is everyone so frantic? why can't they chill a bit, maybe then I'll feel a little less guilty. its not in my nature to panic or stress like that. i know all is well. i know I'm working for a definite end, GREAT SUCCESS!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Trying to blog on my phone once again. Ok,my mother's phone,wierd how my 50 sth year old mom has a cooler phone than 21 year old me! At home on a monday night,i should be at school being a serious student like everyone else. I feel a bit fired up,reading this book "think on these things,meditations for leaders" awesome! I've never read a better book and it couldn't have come at a much better time. I'm looking forward to so much...learning alot about my father, God and His plans for the world,trying to figure out where i fit in all this. Learning about handling disappointment...this book has a way of exciting me. I have a course work to do...see you some other time

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

It hurts sometimes

 Hi there,whoever is reading, which is usually only one person.I've been going through some of my old blogs and just realised a pattern. I've been talking about guys way too much, its about time I let go. I broke up with my boyfriend about two weeks ago, it was sad. He seemed to have loved me so much but my heart just wasn't in it.I wish I could turn back time and spare him the pain, he's a good guy.
 
So the semester is almost ending, the end of yet another academic year, more goodbyes,more heartaches. there's something strange about the friends we meet on campus, we are never sure we'll see them again. I have many such friends. though I am grateful for the time that I have known them, I cannot help but feel a bit of longing at the thought of them not being here next sem. To my friends,if any of you is reading,I love you more than I can say. this is the first sem that I've felt like i finally understand what I'm studying, weird I know. After 5 semesters, I finally feel like a building economist in the making. I'm so going to enjoy preparing for these exams. I am determined to give it my best but i know my excellence is not dependent upon me but upon God. I have the mind of Christ and therefore the ability to understand all things. I'm extremely grateful to God for the many things He is teaching me and for who He is to me. This semester has been so challenging but I just read something I heard from a sermon

"when you are going through the valley and  you feel like you've been buried,praise God for you have just been planted."



Tough times help us grow,pruning has never been fun for the branches yet it is so beneficial. One area where I am learning to trust God more is with my heart, I thought I knew how to but I've learnt afresh. Like I said I'm chilling dudes for the rest of this year, I need some sorting out. Believe it or not I am in love with someone. It has been on and off fighting it for about a year now. my heart feels.....I can't explain it, it is a bittersweet feeling; but blessed be the name of the Lord,I'm learning to live to lose. He's my one I feel like I have found my one but....it's complicated. Once again I sing" keep my heart Lord, keep my heart" it breaks a little everyday; but I trust you that you want what's best for me and that my steps are indeed ordered by you, even if I fall I will rise, wiser,stronger and with better vision. I have to let him go, my one, I surrender you to God. I love you so much but may the Lord have his way and may he provide liniment for my heart.