beautiful ending

i guess this might be my last blog of 2010. this year has been, wow!!!! it has also gone by so fast. everything i asked for i received, i grew in faith in God and in others. i have never learnt more about love, practically like i have this year. i have been doing alot of baby sitting since before christmas. it has been quite eye opening. earlier this year i developed an ienexplicable great love for babies and everyone seemed to be having babies left right and center. they look so adorable when you know the moment he acts up, you are handing them back to the mum. not so cute though when the mum is away for hours on end and you have to do everything from entertainment, to feeding to bathing to dyper changes then trying to get them to eat, getting messy when eating, getting them to stop crying because they want to sleep.... the list is endless and that is separate from all the other house work you have like cooking and the dishes, your laundry plus trying to have a decent looking house all the while screaming, "baby no....don't..come....please....shoooo..." and you have to say sorry in case you make them angry because they are people too and they get it when you say sorry. i have been enjoying the kisses though, my nephew in particular gives really wet ones. i love trying to guess what word he is saying, is it my name? until you realise he says it everywhere. the unique personalities of these small people is....i've been in this bubble for so long that i haven't really thought that much about 2011. i feel like i should have specific plans, set goals and yet i somehow just want to live one day at a time and see what happens. maybe in the new year i will make those plans. i am tired of living in bubbles,keep getting shocked when i step out,solution? stop living in bubbles. how do i do that? sometimes things are a certain way for so long and everyone you are interacting with thinks and acts the same way that you forget it could be different. i have to widen my mind to keeping other ways of life sort of present in my mind as i continue in the one i am living. i am going to be heading a magazine, a small one, found on a notice board but i am really excited!!!yey i'll keeep you POSTED. see ya 

cliche!

hey ya! i thought i had changed my font colour to pink, how come i still see black? anyway, supposed to be seriously reading for exams which are due next week but....all work and no play....yesterday a thought occured to me about my friends. i love them with all my heart simply because i didn't know there were people in the world i could connect with this much. then i realised its not them, its me. growing up, i had many complexes(if the word exists) i thought there was totally no one like me, my problems were unique and no one would ever get me. but i discovered i was so wrong, indeed doesn't the bible say there is nothing new under the sun..........i still love my friends(kindred spirits) but i now know part of the reason i love them so much, they are that one person i sought for for so long who is just like me,guess what instead of one i got a multitude. its not them its me...

wow

it has been a very long while since i wrote. since no one follows my blog anyway i might as well reveal staff i can't tell anyone else. first of all, sometime in September i met a guy who is...younger. didn't pay much attention to him at first but he sort of grew on me, really sweet. so there i was crashing on a freshman, i am an entire two years ahead of him. unfortunately i'm one of those girls who looks for the husband in every crash. i  started wondering about his last name and all. i got over that. now i am headed for bigger things, on some days i am excited and on others i am totally freaked out. i am learning though. keep wondering when i'll meet my mr. right...it's one of those months when you realise all your friends seem to be....you know, not alone.

hmmmmm

have you ever had a day that simply makes you question whether 24 hours are enough? i have had one of those days and i can't believe i even found time to do this. i have been having a wonderful time learning. yesterday i was in class and i understood every word that came from my lecturer's mouth, designing for steel structures, wow! i was amazed and extremely excited. Isaiah 30:20 says something about God leading you through hard times and teaching you the whole way (paraphrasing) that is what has been going on my ends. i have heard so many sermons about how to win in tough time that i couldn't be more grateful for their timing. this morning i read from Hebrews 5:1-10, it talks about how Jesus learned obedience through the things he suffered, how he was in agony over the task that lay ahead. that really got me thinking. when Jesus was on earth , he was human and he had human emotions, so imagine what he felt knowing he was going to die, the bible tells us he cried to God as in real tears to take the cup of suffering from him. how much does God love us!!!! but still he laid down his will for God's. it had to be done for the greater good,salvation of all mankind. Jesus feels my pain more than any one not just because He is God and he can feel everything but because he knows, he has been there. He knows and understands when the "thy will be done" comes through tears and agony. He is an amazing God, i am in awe of him. He,wonderful, beautiful, amazing, God of the universe loves me. Me, a small human being. he is a very personal God. this very majestic creator, counselor, keeper, healer humours me sometimes. he cares even for the small things like the kind of shoe i want or some days i'm a bit sad and working really had to be joyful and He sends someone along who puts a smile on my face. thank you Lord for trials and tribulations,through them all you remain God. i wouldn't trade them for anything.

can't wrap my mind around it

Alot has been happening and i don't know how many times in a day i sigh. i am learning more and more about God's will for my life but sometimes it just seems hard to comprehend. Jeremiah 29:11 says He has perfect plans for me, not to harm me but to give me a hope and a future. from where i am standing, i hope the future comes fast because this painful present seems to be taking forever. i need strength from you my Lord. the harder life becomes , the more i realise you are the only real thing that i have. everything else could just disappear but you are, you are forever. so I'll say amen through the tears, I'll praise you in the storm. situations have got me living on my knees, which is not a bad place. i have my hand in a nail pierced hand, those scars bring so much comfort knowing that He knows better than i can explain what it is my soul is going through. i prostrate myself before my Lord my saviour, my father, my friend, my healer, he holds my world in his hands. he lets me cry. then He speaks to my heart. so with another deep sigh i say, thy will be done. oh sweet Jesus, i need thee every hour.
 my subconscious keeps singing to me" its so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take Him at his word, just to lean upon the promise, just to know thus sayeth the Lord.

learning

i had a tough first week of the semester,it seemed like i was already behind in my classwork even before i could settle down. the responsibilities were waiting for me and they were tending towards overwhelming. spending two months at home made me feel like i was a bit rusty in the areas of leadership, sort of made me doubt my competence. that was last week.
i attend a prayer meeting every Monday evening and it sort of sets my pace for the week,weird, most times Sunday service doesn't do it for me but this meeting does. last week, someone mentioned that it was time to let go. maybe there's staff you had done wrong and you are still beating yourself up about it. it was time to dust myself off and move on. i felt like that message was directly for me. during my internship, i felt like i had displayed none of the work ethic integrity...blah blah i am a strong advocate for. i felt like,after getting the opportunity of a life time, i had messed up. yes, i did mess up and probably missed out on a lot i could have gained had my attitude been different. i let go, i can't do anything about that now but i can do something about now. with that i had a great first week at University.

finally

I can't believe I finally have a blog. I have been considering for sometime. I know I have precious thoughts and it would be selfish of me not to share with the rest of the world. Internet these ends is a pain and only God knows what I had to go through to get this blog. I will keep you posted on what's on my mind,its never idle. See you