Thursday, December 19, 2013

Please Jesus, Hold me down

Here I am, in this place of waiting. It took me a while to realise what this place was. At first, I worked so hard to move, keeping my destination in sight and getting frustrated when I did not seem to be making headway. Until finally, just like the Israelites in Jeremiah's time; I heard His voice push past all the false prophets in my head, telling me I was to stay. I will say it is not the directive I wanted to hear from my love, my father, my guide. I wanted Him to say, just like He said to Abraham,go; but instead I felt like David, annointed to be king by God's prophet, slaying giants but still hiding in caves from those who want to take my life. However, it is not my life I was fighting for,it was my dream:

"Why is it taking so long?" my entire being was asking me, and I had no idea what to say.

"I want to take a drink of that water so I never thirst/ from a source that's beyond measure when I have new birth/ I want to tap into that treasure spread its wealth on earth./ Nifunu kula mizu mizu, I want to be rooted." Mizu-Pompi

Those are lines from a song I discovered about a month back. It's timing was rather strange. I had just lost a friend,a young man who loved to minister through music and I had questions. I was really sad but also inspired by Mac's life, how he gave it all. I asked what the purpose for my life was. What was the point of just going to work and my only contribution to the world being making someone else richer? This song played on radio early in the morning and it just brought to remembrance the opening verses of Isaiah 55

"Wait and listen, everyone who is thirsty! Come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Yes, come, buy [priceless, spiritual] wine and milk without money and without price [simply for the self-surrender that accepts the blessing].
Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your earnings for what does not satisfy? Hearken diligently to Me, and eat what is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness [the profuseness of spiritual joy]."

I wanted to find my purpose,my calling, my place; that which the Lord set before the foundations of the earth for me. I was restless but sad as well. I was simply in a place of asking. I had been asking the Lord for direction concerning certain things in my life but the death of my friend just intensified the desire. I have had "Mizu" on replay since the day I found it. I want to take a drink of that water so that I never thirst and I so want to tap into that treasure and spread its wealth on earth. Earlier on, I wrote a post: Papa knows best, about how my God knows and sees even that which I do not and I will wait on His leading. What I did not know is how long I would be in the waiting place.

So, here I am, in the waiting place,fellowshipping with my Lord. Here I am in the waiting place, learning things that require me to sit and listen. Here I am in the waiting place,finding contentment in Him. Here I am in the waiting place, finding once again that I was made for His delight and just like Martha,I hear Him asking me to sit, to choose that which is greater, it is not always about the run around. Here I am in the waiting place, learning that it is okay if all I do in life is to delight myself in Him. Here I am learning, my life is not my own,that I am dead,now Christ lives. Here I am learning how to live from Him vs living for Him. Here I am being the Beloved and trusting He will not let go of me nor leave my side; and here in Him is where I am.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013


It kind of feels like we have broken up; Reading things I wrote about you before and a bunch of other things, I might know why. This is my theory. We eased into it; our beginning, felt more like a continuation, and then we had a steady flow of interaction. Isn’t this what happens to any relationship? We are having our down time. It is not entirely a bad thing. I kind of needed it because you sort of had me awed. I needed to step back; we needed to start afresh, as friends; not as that cool guy I had been dying to meet. Not that guy that at some point I thought I was trying to impress; it did become a tad bit confusing. I knew it was time to step back when I got jealous, I felt it running deep in my veins at a time when I was kind of sensitive, more inclined towards negative energy than anything else. I wanted so much from people and unfortunately, no one gave me what I wanted. That is because I have to ask for it. I caught a glimpse of the old me, dropping hints, testing waters, to see who would be interested, then I stopped. People have problems, let me just listen to theirs and let God sort me out. 

Dear God, I think you and I have a lot of un resolved issues; which I believe I am trying to cover over with scripture promises and music. The hugs are awkward now. They feel really awkward, but it could just be me. I miss my friend.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013


I think everyone has a hiding place in their house, especially if you share said house. If on the other hand, you live on your own, your home might be your hiding place. My favourite hiding place is the bathroom; and not the bathroom with the showers and all, I actually mean toilet. It is a pretty neat little room, bright white tiles, mirror and privacy. No one expects you to talk to them while there and you do not have to explain why the door is locked, it has to be.

Have you ever felt so much tension around you that you could cut it with a knife if you tried? That happens alot, at home, at work and in meetings at times. My most natural reaction is to run. I hate conflict. I feel the resistance rising up within me. But worse still, are moments of pain, when you do not know what to do, when you are overwhelmed by your own helplessness. It is times like these that I run, I run and hide in the bathroom. I stay there and wonder for how long I can stay before I have to get out there. I stay in there, taking deep breaths,saying prayers in a language only God understands and looking, searching desperately for the strength to go back.

The other day I was listening to a sermon by T.D Jakes when he said something about a portion of scripture I like, Psalms 91:1;

"He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty" 

He said when you are under the shadow of the almighty, the devil won't see you coming! This reminded me of a situation in one of the most amazing books I've ever read "Piercing the darkness" by Frank. E. Peretti; There was a lady who was under attack by demons, they were chasing her down and the angels hid her, the demons would move right past her and not see her. Of course, she did not know what was happening but she was under the shadow of the Almighty.

On monday,this week, after a trying and overly emotional weekend, I chanced upon a Joseph Prince sermon(I listen to a lot of sermons) Rest in Jesus' faith for Miracles. It was great revelation because many times, I am tired and too aware of my own weakness and that is why I run. Not all running is physical. Sometimes we run by hiding in our work,loads and loads of work! Other times it is parties or movies or video games, we run from our helplessness and our feelings. A lot of great truth is in this sermon; but the most profound thing to me was, "It is because of Jesus' perfect faith that I am blessed". So, now I can pray that Lord Jesus,I thank you that you have faith that by your stripes I am healed. At this point I am reminded that Jesus sits at the right hand of the father,interceding for us and He has perfect faith! (See Romans 8:34)

That picture is currently my phone wall paper. It is something I meditate on. It is a symbol that my Jesus is with me, and that He is holding me and I can rest in Him. I can hide in Him.

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will [h]ease and relieve and [i]refresh [j]your souls.] Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest ([k]relief and ease and refreshment and [l]recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. For My yoke is wholesome (useful, [m]good—not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne." Matthew 11:28-30

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Papa knows best

Yesterday was 9th October, Independence day for our dear Uganda, the pearl of Africa. Yes. Winston, I agree with you. Independence, something that we usually fight for. We speak up about our rights because we would love the freedom to make our own decisions, wrong as they may be, atleast they will be ours.

I attend an amazing "bible study" every monday night. I say "bible study" because we do not always show up, say hi and turn our bibles to this book, chapter this and that. Don't get me wrong, we do study just not in the conventional way. It is in this bible study that I have met some of the most amazing people I will ever have the previlage of knowing for as long as I shall live. A little while back, we got a visitor. A one Fredrick who had just moved with his wife and 2 year old son as missionaries to Uganda from the United States. Why? God told him to. I have been relating with God for sometime and yet I still find myself in awe of the concept of direct instruction from God; about everyday things. However, over the course of a couple of weeks, I noticed that this is how he lived his life. Fredrick asks God about anything and everything. Selah. (Take a moment, pause and reflect) He even asked God the exact day, their unborn child would come into the world.

The past month or so has been quite different for me. I work for a consultancy and we are in a boom period, the blessings of God in terms of work coming in have just set camp in our office. We are grateful for the gift of work, thank you father. This however meant being busier than usual and often times feeling super exhausted. A few other things were happening outside of work and I felt like there was too much noise in my head. Too many decisions to make that carried a high risk with them. Thoughts like
"What if I totally blow it?" or "I just am not good enough" were regulars in my mind. Needless to say, I have been restless.

Yesterday, I attended a worship afternoon hosted by Seventh Harmony. As I sat there, listening to beautiful people make beautiful music with their mouths, I just couldn't believe my luck, that I knew, in person, people who sound that good. One of the members shared about God being the good Shepherd and his sheep knowing his voice. Wow. Another shared about the steps of the righteous being ordered by the Lord. Double wow. 
"That used to be one of my favourite scriptures" I whispered to my neighbour, "It has just occured to me that it has been a while since I quoted, let alone remembered or meditated upon its significance"

I have been restless because I've had so many variables to look at. I had so many decisions to make. There were quite a number of paths and I had to decide whether I should choose one and go or simply just stay. I have felt overwhelmed by the feeling of helplessness at certain situations yet at the same time feeling like I ought to be able to do something. Like I said, too much noise in my head. But as I sang along to hymns and sweet songs that took me back to school fellowships, I was reminded that God loves me. He wants to be involved in my life. I do not have to do this all by myself. 
"But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you." John 14:26 Amplified
Counselor, according to Microsoft word, some of the synonyms for this word are Therapist and social worker but allow me to refer to what I think is the origin of this word, counsel. A counselor, one who gives counsel. Therapists, are not taught to give you solutions but rather to help you think through whatever the issue is and find your own solutions. The holy-spirit however, is more than that. He gives counsel. He tells us exactly what to do, when to do it and how to do it. He sees the end from the beginning but everyday as it happens as well. He knows which paths are dropping with fatness and which route is best. He knows what you were created to do because He knows what He put in you to do that. God wants you to know. He does not delight in my restlessness.

Over the past couple of days, I have been reminded of this. My father's desire to be ever present in all I do. But more so, my need to surrender, to be sheep that allows to be led by a shepherd, listening for his voice, his direction. To let Him lead me by still waters. Papa knows best and from Papa, I choose to take my counsel.

Monday, September 16, 2013

A rose for my Rose

60. There has been 60 years of your beauty, fragrance and sweetness. 23. I have spent 23 years leaching off of this.

For 60 years you have been on this earth and you’ve dedicated 23 of those to loving me selflessly. I do not know any one else on earth who is willing to give their all to me and not just in a hypothetical situation but I have seen you do it. From watching you, I have learnt the value of generosity and selfless living. I have seen strength, courage and resolve that even at more than 2 decades old, keeps me running back to you in times of trouble. Over the years, you’ve grown from just being my mother, to my cheer leader and my friend; you display your heart so honestly, inviting me to do the same.

Happy birthday to you Mummy. There is not enough money in the world to give you what you deserve but even the things that money can buy, I can not yet afford those that are worthy of a rose so precious. All I have is my heart, my dear mother and a rose, a rose filled with prayers that the Lord grant you 60 more, to see my children's children's children; perfect strength to carry them in your bossom and a Spirit forever mindful of His love. A birthday rose for you, my Rose.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I really did not mean to miss you

It is just one of those days after having one of those nights. A lot of silence around me, which silence causes me to hear the voices within, voices from thought and from memory. I feel like I am doing life wrong.

I erased them, all of them. I deleted that message thread. How sad that 95% of our relationship was erasable. At that point, I felt I needed to do it; not because I could not stand the sight of your name but because I was done aiding my trips down memory lane. I looked for them last night though, none. All I have is what is recent, somewhat cold and laboured conversation. Is it strange that it made me a little bit sad? You know how many songs have that cliche line of "I no longer see myself in your eyes", well, I no longer see me in your words. I kind of wish I had those messages, the ones that prove that it hasn't always been like this; but to what end?

I remember how it was, even without evidence to the fact, I remember how it felt. I did not see it coming. It kind of just happened. There really wasn't much guessing on your part. It was just a wrong time and I was afraid of the things you were saying. You tried to woo me out of my many shells covered with shadows of past events. I tried to convince myself to both run away and give in at the same time. Whatever happened happened. Sometimes I miss you. I miss those days of uncertain sweet emotions and silent smiles. I miss the exchangie of art, which was in a way, our own way of showing our hearts.

I want to tell you I miss you but that seems so inadequate. I miss you. So what? It feels like such a cliche sentence, insincere...after all it is not all the time. It only happens on nights like these, when alone; when it has been a tough day and the silence seems louder than usual. It only happens when I feel I have to make up excuses to send you a message, when I start plucking imaginary rose petals chanting "he'll reply; maybe not", when I get excited to see a message from you and feel my heart sink that yes, I do not see me in your words anymore.

I really did not mean to miss you; I was just having one of those moments. It will pass, like us, it will soon be a thing of the past.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013


Death is such an unfortunate thing. It is also often a very painful thing; a grievous thing. We grieve in different ways. For some, it hits immediately and tears involuntarily flow from their eyes and their hearts slowly fall into a million pieces. For others, it is a slow process, like sipping beer through a straw, it starts with shock that at times does not wear off until the last handful of dust is thrown into the grave or the last mourner leaves the compound. There are those of us who actually take days, feeling numb, not able to wrap our minds around the fact that this person is no more. That you can not just pick up the phone and arrange to meet. Whenever it does sink in, death hurts.

My sister lost a workmate this week. He had been sick for a while. I did not know him but it came as such a shock for me, we had just been talking about him. Speaking of him interms of "when he comes back to work not if.." My mind quickly went to wondering if he had a family that depended on him; even if he didn't, perhaps a girlfriend with whom they'd made plans, friends they've shared a life time with, a mother or father saddened to bury a child. Around this time last year, I lost a former class mate, Tracy Nanjeru. I saw her picture in the papers this week. We were in the same school for six years, wow. She had been sick too. About a month earlier, I'd lost another friend,Barnett Mwebaze, in a car accident. It was such a big shock. It broke my heart; they were both so young.

As part of my healing process, I wrote this for them;

Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.
And the dust returned
With the darling of heaven,
To a tomb he created
But did not own.
Death died.
Life lives. Life reigns.
Out came Spirit
With an open invitation.
Come to me,
Walk with me,
Become just as I AM.
Born of Spirit eternal,from glory I descend.
And thus I shall return,to an even greater glory.
Ashes and dust shall be no more!

See you soon: Tumwesigye Tracey, Mwebaze Barnett, Nanjeru Tracy.

I have hope that I will see them again, all three of them and many others that have gone way before their time. Selah

When a relationship ends, it in itself feels like a death. Sometimes it sinks in immediately, other times it occurs over a period of time. A band that I believe is skilled in producing break up music, The Script, has a song, six degrees of separation, which entails the different stages we usually go through after a break up. When you try and gaze into the future, and you no more have solid weekend plans, it can feel like pouring the last handful of dust on the dreams you had dreamed together and the hopes you had cultivated together. I guess that is why it hurts so much; why it is hard to"remain friends" immediately after. It is still somehow sinking in that a death has occured. It is so easy for us to believe that all has ended, buried, extinct.

The other more common death, a very painful one too is the death of a dream. There are many quotes about how a dream can not really die unless you let it and so on and so forth.There is some truth to that but there are moments when it seems like it has been killed; where you are the only one on your side and everything seems to be falling apart. Your heart breaks, into many pieces, maybe all at once, maybe a piece a day, maybe it will start like cracks but it will break. It is not any less a death or a pain. It is seemingly an end. It is no more

I created this yesterday. For a while now, I have been hearing it in my spirit a lot. To be still and just know that He is God. But how...? It seems really hard when your eyes are full of tears and your chest is heavy with disappointment; when you are anxious about your future because things are not going according to plan. I am learning to take deep breaths, and just look to Him, God. What I forgot to mention is I wrote that piece above while at a church camp, listening to a pastor talk about God and His grace. That is when healing was ministered to my soul, that because death died, it lost the power to ever be the end to anything. Any kind of death.

I have a friend, a special friend, who for a while I did not know how to be friends with because of a host of issues on my part, on his part and on our part as a whole. I chose to run. I figured it was the death of us. God has been teaching me alot about His kind of love, and what it looks like. Unconditional love is scary because it is unusual. The more I ran, the more I seemed to run into my friend. So, I've stopped, I am still, and I know God, the creator of the universe, who holds my heart in His,knows. It wasn't the death of us, God is breathing His kind of life into us.

My favourite scene in C.S. Lewis' The Lion, the Witch and the wardrobe is that part after Azlan returns from the death and is filled with the breath of life. He went to all that had been frozen by the wicked witch and just breathed on them and they were as good as new. God has been leading me to just focus on His magnificence, to rest in just who He is, the one who can reverse death.

Death lost the power to be the end to anything, any and all kinds of death.
 He breathes life into those dreams that seem like they've encountered their dead ends. He creates amazing ways, when you felt like the ground beneath you had crumbled and you had nothing to stand on. Focus on His magnificence, the one who creates with just breath, is anything too hard for Him? Nothing. Ashes and dust are no more indeed. Amen.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Somebody hug me, anybody...PLEASE

My chest hurts. My chest really hurts, it is heavy, I feel like it is weighing me down; breathing feels like such a chore. My voice sounds different and my head hurts. Needless to say, I have a cold; not the running nose kind, but this kind, the kind where your body hurts, internal pains. I need a hug; I promise you wont catch anything, it is not contagious! I really need a hug right about now. A big bear hug, engulfing hug or even a side hug, any kind will do really. Hugs help me heal and I don't need any more cough linctus right now. I need a hug.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013


I miss you. I really do; not in the way I expected but it is still there. It is not that heart wrenching, I wonder how to get out of bed and face the day kind. No, not that dramatic. It is quiet. It is a quiet acknowledgement that things have changed. It is I had a great presentation and wanted so bad to tell you but couldn't because as we speak, you are in transit and have to get a new phone and number. It was a full moon last night. That beautiful full moon that lights up the ground just as much as it lights up the sky. I wanted to send the message, "it's a full moon tonight." Period. No further explanations or trying to make sense; you'd get it, it's a full moon and it's beautiful. Then you'd give me facts about lunar seasons and introduce me to words I've never heard before.

I think I've lost our conversations, in transitioning to a new phone, I think, I've lost our whatsapps. That is a cause for alarm which I would normally bring to your attention first, you know, for advice but I have to wait another 3 or so days to talk to you again. I got new headphones :), new Samsung earphones, can you believe? How sweetly everything works out.

Random moments have been playing in my head , that taxi ride last week when you came to see me at work, the first time I wore the first shirt you ever gave me, beautiful beautiful pink shirt...and you were shocked that I was wearing it, duh!!! that's why you gave it to me, not so? and then yesterday I remembered, or was it this morning, I'm not sure, the day I met you, the day I am sure I spoke to you for a total of 15 minutes, that day when you tried to give me a boost on the swing and got mud on your jeans instead. That time, that time when...deep sigh...there are many, all priceless.

Sakura blossom. I know you get it :)

I've been trying to explain this, and I only have one answer, blessing. Evidence of God's love for me, the people he has put in my life. The ones he has chosen for me as bestfriends.

I miss you and glorious ruins is a beautiful album, I'm listening to it now.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Letters to a friend

It was as if you’d cast a spell on me, and I’d let you. Music and Movies have always glorified this kind of feeling, painted it as the way love should be, because if you are not all but consumed It will not last.   

It would be easy for me to say I will never love another the way I loved you, if I had loved you. In hindsight, looking over my shoulder, in fact making a complete turn and gazing deeply into my past. I know, I see that it wasn’t love, what I felt was imprisonment, the things I did though might seem for you were all rooted in selfishness. There were places of no where I gave a yes because you see I wanted to be indispensable in your life. So I gave you what you wanted not what you needed knowing very well, what you need will not come from a person. But hey, at least I could please you then and maybe you’d let me hang around a bit. It was never my intention to stay, oh no, I had to leave you at some point because you were not right for me, this would never work. I used you to appease my boredom and to fill my loneliness which was just a call to draw closer to my Father because you see, something was not right or so I thought; yet that voice was calling me, saying to me, you’ve been made right, I make you right.

From the way things played out, from what is seen on the surface, it may appear you wronged me. But I do not seek an apology but rather to apologise. Forgive me, my friend because I took this light that is inside of me and I hid it. You may fight it, even claim to hate it but I robbed you of an opportunity to see it through me. Forgive me because I played the part of advocate, cheering you on in things that we both know have taken from you and drain you, only to leave you emptier each time around. Forgive me for I did not seek to listen to you because my mind was filled with myself. For everything you said, I only heard that which concerned me, I was on a quest to get you to treasure me or at least something of the sort, and your words instead of being a reflection of your heart, to me where just ammunition. Forgive me for the moments I kept silent when I should have fought you and let you know that the things you do actually affect people, you might have known it, sensed it but you needed to hear it, you needed to see what it looked like. Forgive me.

I have been learning from the Father, leaning and gleaning from Him, healing at His feet, in His embrace. Don’t get me wrong, I felt pain and I cried rivers and rivers of tears and I let each and every one fall in His palm. I have been listening to Him teach me about this thing that I sought from you, Love. The pictures He is painting at first seem strange but then there is something in me that is drawn to His songs. Oh this love that says I will die for you, it is real. It is not just a one-time act of heroism while high on adrenaline but an everyday choice to choose the other over myself.
 If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand (Philippians 2:1-4 The Message)

Love keeps no record of wrong but Love keeps no record of right either; because doing right is not a competition or a sport to gain points that will be redeemable, pick an item of your choice because you have gained 100 points, no. It is not a race about who gets your heart first or who loves you best assuming that we even have parameters of measurement. It is not about who speaks the loudest or can keep quiet the longest, who breaks first or who is the fool; ultimately that to love is not for me, but the other person, to give unto them love in its true sense, listening to what the father tells me to do and I do it; regardless of the climate of the relationship.

It can get exhausting sometimes and amidst many sighs, you may want to scream out loud

“This love is taking its toll on me!” 

But child of Love, love is your true nature and just like so many things that are of you or that are yours, you have to learn to receive them from a place of rest. You learn of your authority and how to stand in it, you learn to believe and hope against hope, you learn to forgive and not return harshness for harshness but all this works because you know of Love, you are loved. Love calls us to a place of rest, stop striving to get what has already been given you. Rest in love and let love flow through you. You see, the father, God, almighty dwells within you, He is love. Love is not just something you do or feel, it is something you be, you are, beloved. 

So, He has been teaching me to rest, He does all the heavy lifting, He is loving through me, opening my eyes, stretching forth my arms, guiding my footsteps and putting the words in my mouth that are of Love. Rebuking falsehood and lies, proclaiming and calling forth truth, lifting and holding where there is weakness and listening, protecting; Covering and revealing. He is showing me a new face of love, the true face of love; He is introducing me to the person of Love. Love that enslaves not but liberates always. Love that never fails.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Yes, I'm a grown woman!!!

"I'm a grown woman, I can do whatever I want" says Beyonce.
Well, Mrs.Jay Z, maybe because you can afford whatever you want, you can even name your children colours or directions like our lovely Kim K. This sounds like the kind of song you sing when the alcohol is kicking in and you are at a girl's night out or in but most likely in because it is much cheaper and you have to sleep at some point to be in time for work the next day, Saturday.

I am a grown woman, I am 23 and about 5 months old, I can already hear 24 knocking and asking me what I have done with my life. Unfortunately, whatever I want has a price attached to it; sometimes it is monetary and other times it is in kind, time, feelings, bla bla...
I am a dreamer and the biggest cheerleader for other people's dreams there is, I dare you to take me up on that! So, ofcourse I have friends calling me out on my dreams encouraging me to take action; sometimes, it is something I see in a blog about living on the edge and I want to scream, I am that girl!!! But I am a grown woman, I have to plan for whatever I want. So this is what grown woman me looks like at the moment

Things I must do!!

1. Bunjee jumping before the year ends...hence save for about 3 months which leaves you with 3 months to the end of the year, will you be able to get time off and travel and will you have company?

2. Get a tattoo, save for it for about 2 months but also look for the best artiste in town and settle on something you will not regret in a place you, still will not regret

3.Start living on my own, might not be feasible for another year because you need a really fat pay cheque for that and currently you are barely making ends meet; are there even any studio apartments where you stay?

4. Just settle for redecorating your room...Save for about 6 months, get maybe 3 extra jobs, that will pay for the paint, the labour, the new furniture and little other thingies you want for your room

5.Learn to value yourself, seriously, you should by now be able to attach a monetary value to time spent doing work for people, your awesome passionately delivered ideas so that you stop barely making ends meet! So, how much are you expecting?

6.Maybe it is about time I figured out how to make money from blogging.

7. Sell my impossible to walk in graduation shoes and buy sensible party shoes because I am a hot powerful, grown a** woman!

I'm a grown woman, I can do whatever I want as long as I can afford it and I wont have to walk to work for half the month for lack of transport or not make plans with friends just because I can't afford to go anywhere.

Growing up is awesome!!!!!