Monday, April 2, 2012

....................

That is what it feels like on the inside. I can't seem to find the words to make sense of what my life has become. I say I am becoming miserable because I seem to desire that which is wrong for me while desiring to not desire it. Too much monotony, every song seems too much of the same thing, the same instruments, the same beats, singing or whining about the same thing. Frustration so deep within that I have lost my appetite, my will to live,surely there has got to be more.  I WANT TO BE MORE THAN OK!!!!! what happened Glo, what happened? I keep asking myself, waiting for Easter holiday, thinking maybe then, I will feel good about life. Aha! isn't that where i got it wrong? the feeling part....I have a friend who keeps saying,in whatever argument "no,it is what I know" life isn't about what you feel, see, think even but what do you know? Let me see, what do I know? John 1;12. I am a child of the most high God and he adores me. Yes he adores me,in whatever state I am in. I have just read a friend's blog where I was mentioned and she said me and another friend get great revelation of word because maybe we pray a lot and read our bibles a lot. False!!! I don't remember the last time I had a proper personal prayer or bible reading session. Now that is the true definition of grace. somehow the circumstances of life and the people around can without meaning to get you to step out of grace and into works. Sometimes you might be rested in grace,seriously chilling and enjoying receiving from God like you ought to and someone in not so many direct words makes you feel you are not doing enough. Of course you can never do enough, that is why I got saved. I recognised, nothing I could ever do would ever be enough. So, why am I letting a few bad days, or weeks, at times months, a fault here and a mistake there get me down. My worth is not in what I do. I am a child of God and guess what, He knows my weaknesses and loves me still. He knows more than any of you will ever know unless of course you become my husband, but He will still know more. He identifies with my weaknesses! like the psalmist says "..such knowledge is too high for me, I cannot contain it.." That is what I know and that's what I am standing on. The strong rock of the word of God even as the Spirit of God who is my tightee by the way, working on becoming bestos, bears witness with me on all these. deep sigh. Thank you father for reminding me.

1 comment:

  1. want to come for conference this weekend...it just myt be the get away you need... let me know

    ReplyDelete