Thursday, January 10, 2013

Letting go...

It seems any blogger worth their salt has to blog about the end of one year and the beginning of another. So many messages in the air about old things and new things and all that it going through my mind is..
"it was monday, then it was tuesday. Doesn't change much"

However ,I do feel the urge to succumb to peer pressure. I feel I have been lukewarm for quite sometime. No, not my body temperature, but my life temperature. A good friend of mine recently told me that she thinks I'm always holding back; as if I'm afraid of fully being me. Maybe she's right and maybe she's wrong, either way I need a 2013 project.

I am one of those people who argues better with people after they are gone or who has no problem giving you a piece of my mind, but in my head. I am always left wanting, wishing, planning...
To give more the next time
" will be better. They better not try it next time because, boy will they get what is coming to them..."
Every once in a while I run into that one person who actually shakes me up until I explode. It is not their fault. They somehow know that there is something within and some have learnt that the only way out is to shake it out, so shaking they shake. The experience always leaves me tired and a tad bit sad. Sad upon realising how much was kept inside and how intense it actually was. I am starting to believe that I am not allowing myself to fully enjoy anything, to live in the moment and not think too much about my next step.

I want to let go and fully be me. I am not sure I know how. This morning I recieved word about a job, I fell in love with it at first sight. I could not wait for my lunch break to edit my resume and tailor it to wow. I knew it was for me. However, the second and third sight scared me a little; that is when I saw all the other requirements that I thought I did not measure up to.I whispered to myself
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..."
Another voice asked me to be realistic.

I am letting go and allowing myself to fall head first, nothing held back. Keep your fingers crossed for me, I am sending in my application. It is about time I started living.

Now, isn't that profound enough for the beginning of a year?

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