Thursday, January 24, 2013

Saving myself for you

Dear 'the one',

 I have been told over and over again, that what I am supposed to have with you is supposed to be special. There are things about me only you are supposed to know, certain parts only you are supposed to see. So I have been saving these parts for you. There is this place in my heart that is reserved for only you, the more I learn how much of a treasure you truly are meant to be, the bigger it becomes. You see, that is my secret place, sacred grounds, a place only you have the key to and that is where I am saving all these things for you.

I have had a few attempted break in's but that only woke me up. I made the security stronger, no one is going to take what is yours my love. I will fight to the death before I let what is yours become as though for the common individual. I have moved my treasure, our treasure to a further place, we might have to work harder to get to it but it will be worth it, won't it? We shall have each other, the journey will only serve to bring us closer, we shall earn each other's trust because then we shall see that it is us, you and I against the world.

My poker face is getting better, some have been trying to pry information out of me but I will not let them in, they can't even take a peek. After all, when you come along, I will not have to be with them anymore. They complain that I don't give of myself but they don't understand. If I give of myself to them, what will be left for you. Before another gets any bit of me, you must have it. They do not understand that me giving of myself to them is tainting what I have so long kept for only you. There are stories meant for only your eyes, Like how I struggled to get over the fact that I grew up fatherless. They want me to share them.

"it helps with the healing" they say
Why don't they just understand that my wounds are in my safe place? I cannot go there, they are not allowed there, only you.

On my birthday this year, I wanted to do something brave; I wanted to travel and try new foods, dance in the rain and perform poetry on a stage, with an audience. I also wanted to sing in a choir. I stopped myself. How dare I do all this without you? All this can wait,my passions can wait, I have made the lock a little bit tighter, my dreams shall wait. We shall do all of it together. Life can wait.

I had a not so good day today. I was sad and alone, something terrible happened on my way to work this morning. It broke my heart and put a dent in my spirit. I almost got the phone to call Nandi but you will be proud to learn that I didnot. She's not you. This, my vulnerability, my weakness, my pain, only you are allowed to see.

I am saving myself for you my love, there are so many open hands before me, open arms that want to embrace me, experience me. They don't understand,
I am saving myself for you.

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