Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Mulungu rent

" I know that sometimes it feels like, the world is a bag of pain but he'll never let a righteous tear fall to the ground in vain"

The opening lines to a song I totally love. This is a recent love; it is actually about 3 days old but the song is beautiful.

Alot has been happening in my life lately. Alot happens in everyone's world everyday. sometimes it is devastating, some times numbing at times leaves you speechless or not knowing how to feel. On every front, home, work, heart...
But I am joyful. Let me backtrack a little. Towards the end of last year, I was having a hard time with my heart. I would sit alone in the dark wondering how to rid my heart of this longing which was more of an ache than anything else. I buried myself in music thinking maybe if I found a song to speak for me then this nothingness, this pain filled emptiness would cease. I thought I could document my progress. it was as if I was on some sort of progress; I would count days since....

"I want to see your heart, I want to heal your heart; please don't keep your heart hidden away"

At the beginning of this year, I felt drained. Can you immagine, coming from a two week holiday break and feeling your least enthusiastic about anything. I was constantly tired and unhappy, at work and in everything. I didnot however want to voice my frustrations because I HATE complaining.
I do not know when this started; my longing for quiet contemplative prayer. I just want to sit and be awed. Everytime I went for bible study, just sitting there and listening to people talk about God so personally and so passionately, I missed that. I felt I was not doing it anymore. I missed the relationship.

My father loves me.
He speaks to me through poetry, music and rain.
I hear his voice through a blog,
and a letter.

I feel like I'm snuggled up against God, honestly! Snuggled, like a child but also like a lover. That closeness that has your heart beating really fast simply breathing Him in. I feel released and uplifted everyday,always. I want to reach out my hands and thus lift others. I am at peace even when the waves of life hit. I am joyful even before I see the change in situations.
I discovered a song which is on replay 'no rent' probably the most beautiful love song I've ever heard in a foreign language! I understand some parts and others not so so.. but I want to keep love in my heart no rent no rent

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