Wednesday, December 10, 2014

10th Dec 2014

I do not know what my heart is saying. You can spend a long time worrying and fretting about so many things like what to wear to the office end of year party, what the last text message you received meant and how your clothes seem a little too tight these days. All of a sudden you are awoken at 1:00am with horrible news and nothing else matters. Nothing else but the darkness that is before you. You lose all your sleep and you have no desire to go back to bed. You do not care that you have to be up in less than 4 hours. Only one thing is real at that moment, just how scary life is.

By some luck you manage to drift off to sleep and by God's mercy there are no nightmares and even with just 2 hours of sleep you are able to get up in time, you survive the consequences of being late because of a reliable team mate whose importance you take for granted way too often. Today is gratefulness day, you are thankful for the little things in life; colleagues like that, mothers like the one you have and breath. You are alive.

You make it through the day regardless of the sleep that is heavy on your eyelids, you manage to get work done. Nothing tastes the same today, even your usual order is a disappointment. You skip lunch and opt for a nap instead. There is a lot and nothing on your mind at the same time. The day is ending, you pause and take stock and realise, there are many crucial things that you ought to have done that you haven't. Some things were out of your control, others were not but that does not matter. They still remain undone.

You write a blog post. Get your bag and decide to go home before night fall. Someone has taken your confidence from you. Once again you are afraid of the dark and maybe sleeping will help. It will be a very welcomed pause.You do not know where your head is.

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